I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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