i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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