dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
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There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
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I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.