i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
tonight lets celebrate not being married
vagina is talking i cant
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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