I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
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