Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis