i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.