shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
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Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
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I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."