thus making me awesome and them whores
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room