One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
