Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
