I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
