dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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