God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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