I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
