...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
