VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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