So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I cockslap morals
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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