My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.