I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.