Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
My vagina is officially offended.