Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
