Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
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They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
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Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!