I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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