Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
