the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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