um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Come see our sink grown plant.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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