Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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