Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
