yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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