Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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