I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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