I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
