She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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