I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
