Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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