At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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