Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
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