12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
