So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
We left the knife in your bed.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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