So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
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