How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i think i have two assholes
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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