i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
