I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
