ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
