I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
