Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
