the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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