So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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