I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
