Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize