That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
