It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
