Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
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I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
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You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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