He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
