i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
