This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
