Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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