ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
