yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
