just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
