Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
