So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
