I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
