I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
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