my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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