fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
