considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
