my mouth tastes like poor choices
My hand turned me down
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
