A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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