3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
We talked him into tasing himself.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
