she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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